The Butterfly Effect.

Every get that feeling that even the most pure of intentions can end up coming across really bad? Welcome to the club!
I was quite lucky today. I was a bit nervous about whether something i said was about to be perceived in a really bad way. Some people would call it being “two faced”. And no matter if this comes from a good place or not, you’re pretty much at the mercy to how it gets passed along the chain on whispers.
I was asked to do something which I knew wasn’t the right thing to do, i felt like I was in a bit of an awkward position I was being put in by being asked to do it. But it’s not common knowledge so it’s understandable that they didn’t know. 
I thought it best to clear it some some level of seniority over me. Cover my back, they’d say yes, and the fault isn’t really my own if it turned out to be the wrong thing to do.

Ever feel like your at the mercy of someone elses agenda?

It all seemed to be going wrong when I was told not to go ahead with the request and that words were to be had. 
Luckily, the measure of a person is understanding intentions in a person, and recognising when things have been manipulated beyond control. I’d say I learned my lesson, but what is the lesson here?


Passive behaviours and Making them AssertiveĀ 

When confronted with an issue, it’s easy to just ignore it and hope it improves itself, but does this really help anything?
Working in a people focused environment, i can be met with many behaviours that arent, shall we say, ideal? Being a leader is the difference between what your going to do next…
It’s easy to let things slide for the sake of avoiding confrontation, but really, you can’t expect anything else but for this to happen again. This is a passive behaviour and you’ll never achieve a solution to the issue.
The key is being assertive, and approaching the issue in the right way. This is a skill that seems easy, but is a challenge you’ll always be faced with.
If your caught off guard, your mind naturally triggers a “flight or fight” mode. Meaning your going to react from the emotional part of the brain. The trick to flexing this behaviour, is to train your brain into a different way of thinking. 
A handy format i use to train my brain into dealing with tough situations with ‘green line’s behaviours is using an annogram i like to call OFRR or “offer”.

This is a twist on a method of communication called “None Violent Communication.” It is a method that was developed in the 60’s and i find it a very effective tool. 
I’ll be covering this more in a future post and i hope you will find this useful. šŸ˜€

Do Friends Really Last Forever?

Part of growing up is realising that change is inevitable. Being a child in school blissfully unaware of life’s responsibilities, it’s easy to think that your a being out of time.

“school will last forever”

“My friends are everything to me”

And as we move into adult life, we are really pushed beyond our comfort zone, suddenly this pressure to be self sustained an be pretty hard to digest because we have been protected from this reality.

Time goes by and you begin to meet new people, old friends start to fade and you realise some of these relationships you’ve formed have been a symptom of ease through surviving an environment together.

But can these Relationships really last?

In my previous post “Is it OK to be Single?” I pretty much covered that I was the type of guy who led with heart rather than head, so this lesson was a pretty tough one to learn for me…

throughout education, its easy to make friends, I was lucky enough to retain some friends from School and make many more in college. Throughout all by romance drama, I fell pretty reliant on friends and found after a while I almost began to live my life vicariously through them. It wasn’t a case of making plans together, it turned into “I have plans, you want to tag along?”

This didn’t really make much of a difference to me, I was still going out and having a great time and getting out to see people, so I carried on life this for a number of years.

Now Here’s the Tricky Part..

Where this became a problem and I had my moment of clarity, was when these people started to pair off and have kids, their priorities and responsibilities changed. Being someone completely happy to go with the flow of everyone else’s life, this was a pretty tough experience. The slight shifts in priorities I found pretty cutting as I started to realise I was walking outside the boundaries of my own existence.

The lesson I leant (and am still learning to this day!) Is that you have to live for yourself. Your priority is YOU. It can be hard being a single person making decisions that can sometimes be isolating but its a journey we all have to take. I realised if I carried on, I’d realise years down the road that I had nothing to show for my life. I was no ones ‘number one’ and the priority I gave everyone around me wasn’t reciprocated.

This is a life lesson I’m still trying to navigate. I’m really happy to be able to say I do have friends who have been with me since the beginning of School. But my flexing of personality style from emotional to Logical is something that isn’t natural to me, so at times I find I’m re-learning lessons that were tough to digest.


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Is it OK to be Single?

Why I’m here/Drawing the Line

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Is it Possible to Truly Feel Happy?

Online perceptions and what this makes our reality

Growning up, you visualise what your life will be like. For example, as a child I always imagined that I would be walking into my office, briefcase in hand, typing on my super swizzly computer. I’d imagine having my own modern apartment, living a fabulous ‘New York’ style lifestyle. When I look at where I am today, although it may be less “super cool and modern”, I’m pretty much where I thought I’d be. So why is there an overwhelming sense of “I lack purpose” or “I have nothing to show for my life”.

“I have nothing to show for my life”

The answer is pretty simple really. Social culture has evolved to a point where your online presence is almost a shining beacon of the fabulous life you live. Going to the supermarket to buy a loaf of bread in reality is pretty dull, put online this could be a super fun life changing trip which broadened your cultural pallet. My point being, we live to put across this perception that we live this amazing flawless life. But this comes at a cost…

So What Does This Make Our Reality?

When our online persona creates such a falsely perfective image of our lives, it’s not surprising that in reality we feel like our lives are pretty underwhelming. Especially when everything you read about your friends are just as falsely perfect. In my opinion this is a pretty toxic mix which is just part and parcel of our lives.

Don’t get me wrong, sure you can give social media the cold shoulder as some people do, but these days you can feel like your essentially cutting off a massive avenue of contact to most of the people you know. We live in a fad culture where phone numbers change as often as a mobile contract comes to an end.

By rejecting social media, are we also rejecting our ability to communicate with others?

So, my advise to all you lovely people out there, is to be aware of how these progressions into online social activity can be toxic to your soul. Take the time to look inwards and self reflect. You live a good life, you are as special as others perceive and appreciate your journey. Your life is as good as you perceive it, not what others see.

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