Communicating in a ‘None Violent’ Way

Continuing from my previous blog , I’d like to go more into depth about a communication method that tends to stick with me to avoid “red behaviours”

This can work when giving feedback to a person, and helps you stop and rethink your approach to a ‘fight or flight’ moment when communicating to people..

OFRR some feedback

  • Observation
  • Feeling
  • Reason
  • Requirement 

    It seems like quite an obvious format, but in tense situations it can be difficult to fight the urge to react with emotional behaviours.

    Observation, to state the obvious, is to observe and state the reason for the feedback. “Ive noticed you seem to be feeling pretty annoyed about what’s happened. 

    Feeling – basically this can be used in two ways. How does this make you feel? Or how does this make them feel. A word of warning is to keep this a two way conversation so it’s best to use this as part of an open conversation and give them the opportunity to talk and for you to listen. 

    Reason – in response to the ‘feeling’, this can be used as a tool to support your reasons for feeling, or to continue to explore the other person’s reasons for feeling this way. Again, this is about a two way conversation so it’s best to match fit dependant on the situation.

    Requirement – this involves a bit of straight talking. E.g. “i think it’s best if you take a step away from the (event) and you’ll probably feel different about it later. Straight talking is probably the trickiest part as doing this without recognising people’s triggers and snaps could fuel an emotional response. I’ll cover triggers and snaps in another blog. 


    “I noticed you’re not reacting well to this news. What is it specifically that’s upsetting you?”

    … Listening…

    “I can understand your reasons for feeling this way and i think it’s important that we take you away from this situation so you can take a moment and reflect”

    I’ll cover some more handy tricks and tips in future blogs around this subject. It’s important that you use the correct language and not trigger anyone’s snaps and understand different personality types in the way you approach a situation

    I hope this has been useful and I’d welcome any feedback if you give this method a try